Yellow Snow
to teh tune of “Silver Bells”

Yellow snow, Yellow snow, It’s wintertime in the city
Walk your dog, leave a log, It’s wintertime everywhere

On the sidewalk where you and I walk, they leave everything there
though its frozen Its still quite a hazard
People pass it, from the basset
No you can’t eat that snow,
Its not lemon, but something much worse

((repeat first verse))

Silent Dwight
to the tune of “Silent Night”
Silent Dwight
Holey Dwight
all is lost
this sad night
mommy threw the poor socky away
he was so stinky no one came to say
sleep in heavenly peace
sleep in heavenly peace

O Eggi-nog
to the tune of “O christmas tree”
((useful for repelling cavemen))
O eggi-nog
O eggi-nog
your flavor is repulsive
O eggi-nog
O eggi-nog
the pain is so convulsive
don’t want to see you on my plate
I’d rather eat the old fruitcake
O eggi-nog
O eggi-nog
your flavor is repulsive

We three nings
to the tune of “We Three kings”

We three nings of mumfordland are
tried to smoke a cuban cigar
we got cancer and died faster
now we no longer are
cigarettes are stinky and un-great
you will meet an awful fate
if you smoke them you will croak
so stop before it is too late

I’m Telling on my Sibling
to the tune of “Go tell it on the mountain”

I’m telling on my sibling*
they’ve done everything they can to bother me
I’m telling on my sibling*
my parents need to know
they peeked in all the presents sitting underneath the tree
they need coal in their stocking, but get toys like you and me
((sing first verse again))
*may be replaced with brother or sister

Wreck the walls
to the tune of deck the halls
wreck the walls with brother ollie
muahahaha-haha-ha-ha
’tis the season to trick polly
muahahaha-haha-ha-ha
but there’s no coal in my stocking
Muahaha-hahaha-ha-ha-ah
‘Cause it’s santa who is talking
muahahahaha-haha-ha-ha

Teh new year’s song
to the tune of auld lang syne

my parents let me stay up late, drink non-alchoholic wine
I’m waiting for the ball to drop
I think It’s almost time
for it is new years eve my friend
today is new years eve
go bang a pot, wake neighbors up
for it is new years time

and now for a visit from st. nicholas
T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
not a creature was stirring except for a mouse.
He was making some eggnog for a fake Santa Claus,
hoping he finally could disprove the fraud.
He put in some egg, he added some nog,
he cooked it a bit over a flaming log.
He added the final ingredient at last,
some potion for sleeping—he put it in fast.
Up on the rooftop he heard a great thump,
and into a glass the potion he dumped.
He set it on the mantle, next to a stocking,
and froze on the spot when he heard someone talking.
“Why do we have to go up on the roof?”
“To fool the kids; they won’t have any proof.”
The mouse crept behind a nativity scene,
And took out his weapon, a dried up green bean.
A slither in the chimney, a crash in the grate,
And out came the Santa, not a minute too late.
The eyes of a child peered out from the stairs,
But St. Nick continued his work unawares.
He put money in one stocking, right up to the brim,
and coal in the ones that did not belong to him.
The other voice yelled, “Are you done Billy Bob?”
So Santa gulped the eggnog then fell like a dog.
“Just one minute” he mumbled already asleep,
And the other voice grumbled and pounded its feet.
Then the mouse did go back into its hole,
Thinking the action was done, into bed he did roll.
The kid went to bed, sucking its thumb,
This story could be over but it’s not yet done.
A clatter of hooves, the thump of a sled,
The tiny small mouse flew out of his bed.
The true Santa came down the chimney, landing in the fireplace,
Stepped out looking happy, although ashen-faced.
He said to the other, crumpled up on the floor,
“You’ll wish you had never done this before.
And he took the coal stockings, dumped them onto the fraud,
Covering the face of un-poor Billy Bob.
He filled the stockings up to the brim with toys,
But only the ones for the good girls and boys.
For Billy Bob was a boy, who lived in that house,
And he always was trying to catch the poor mouse,
By taking advantage of his little sis,
He didn’t have a very merry Christmas.
Our story ends here, it really is done,
Be sure to be good, but still have some fun.
If you obey and stay in good cheer,
You may hear Santa shout

“Have a happy new year”!

yays!

Harry Potter Reading Contest

July 20-26, 2009

Name_________________________________ Age__________

Telephone number (____)-____-_____

Address_____________________________________________

City_________________________________ State___________

Email address__________________________________________

Team (Hogwarts house)

Gryffindor         Slytherin          Ravenclaw        Hufflepuff

Compeitition

Regular(full series)       Sprint(2 hour)     Children’s(1^st book, 12&under)

Entrance fee $2.00 (please enclose)

I, ________________(name), do solemnly swear that I shall read all of my assigned reading, shall not start early, shall not skip bits and shall compete under all other rules of common sense during the Harry Potter Reading Contest sponsored by The Daily Marf.

Participant Signture____________________________date________

Guardian signature(required for participants under 18)__________________________________

Please return by Saturday, July 18, 2009

Print and mail the above form to me (preffered)(if you need my adress email me) or fill out and scan and email to me or C&P it to an email (to me)

Don’t forget your entrance fee!

MARFwarrior@gmail.com

Content: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince and Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Object of the Game: to win the Grand Prize, one must complete all of these books within the one week time frame before anyone else does. There will also be prizes for 2nd and 3rd place as well as prizes for all finishers. There may also be a team competition, in which people can join a team. whichever team has the highest score (a compilation of percent finished, how fast people went,etc.etc.) gets an additional prize which can be divided amongst its members.

entry: open to anyone and everyone. there will also be a children’s competition consisting of either A) one book  or B) how far you can read in a few hours.(open to entrants under 12(they can also compete normally if desired)). I will create an entrance form and I think the fee will be two dollars (to cover the cost of prizes. I will keep none as profit)

date is subject to change if a large number of people have major conflicts (more than 24hrs.total)

note:If I do not know where you live, you will receive no prizes so you do not have to pay the entrance fee.

this week’s agenda:

Sunday:print off lots of copies of this schedule and tape them up in public areas tomorrow!
Monday: wear your button!
Tuesday: celebrate potato bugs! (a very sarcastic creature)
Wednesday: wear a sweater!
Thursday:forget the fact that it’s national sarcasm appreciation week but wear your button anyway! wear your button everyday!
Friday: share the tea and crumpets day!
Saturday:leave sad posts about the end of National Sarcasm Appreciation Week at thedailymarf.wordpress.com !

added later:

the events for the week are (so far)

Monday: wear your button

Tuesday: (any ideas?)

Wednesday: wear a sweater

Thursday: (any more ideas)

Friday: (ideas? anyone?)

about the buttons. if you have any buttons that you would like refaced for NSAW and they are approximately 2 1/4 inches across i shall inscribe them with this:

no, i don’t celebrate national sarcasm appreciation week.

(it won’t let me put a picture of the button on here because it s the wrong format.its black with white writing  in a sans serif font )

pleas overload me with ides for the other days. we need to do something.